September brings a strange mix of emotions for us here on the farm.
Usually it starts with a kind of discouragement. We are obviously tired this time of year and our fortitude is worn down. Its easy to become discouraged about all the things we didn't get to do because now we start to realize that time has run out. The end of the season has come and we probably won't be able to do anything that is not already started. There is also a bit of sorrow and grief over the things we missed off the farm, because of how busy we were. The weddings we didn't get to go to and the swimming holes we didn't visit enough... it is very similar to the wistfulness students feel as they return to school. No matter how glorious summer was, there is always a small sense of anxiety about the things that were not done, because time is now up. The end is here.
There are other more positive feelings too though. There is of course the relief that the rush is almost over and we will be able to rest soon. There is the vengeful excitement over watching those less then ideal endeavors get swallowed up in snow and erased forever. We know that the fresh start and a clean slate is built on the total and complete end of this year. Sitting inside because a force that is way bigger than you has stopped your efforts is freeing. I don't have to fabricate a good reason for throwing in the towel--winter is undeniable. Sometimes I wonder if some of our modern weather-beating inventions are not really curses rather then the blessings they are touted as--they keep us going when it might be better to stop...
And of course there is still some measure of excitement about fall. Who doesn't love the apples and squash and colors? This is the season when people start using the words "brisk" and "crisp. It can be a thrilling season. Everyone loves the drama of leaves weather they are igniting or swirling or clattering.
Something exciting is building in the world around us. And yet, something is also slipping away. The deathly sleep of winter can make me angry. But doesn't that actually just say more about me then about winter? Snow can also be called a blanket and winter could be thought of as a good nights rest. Who doesn't love those things?
September can be emotionally confusing. Hopefully by late November I will be still and quiet enough to stop fretting and just give thanks.