CSA Week 14
There are a few things I can easily fall back on when writing a CSA blog post.
One is the weather. We are out in it all day every day and it has a big impact on our work and the profitability of our year. I think it must be like being married to an insane person. The weather is both terrible and beautiful and though we suffer and rejoice in her moods she takes no notice of us. Now that I think about it, I guess it is someting like an emotionally abusive relationship. Perhaps that is why many old farmers are quite taciturn. After a while you become reluctant to get your hopes up too much. If you are lucky you don't get too discouraged either. She'll come around soon enough.
The other easy topic to fall back on is the struggles of starting a business. This one is very real to us, but after a few lines, it makes us feel icky to write about. We feel whinny. We feel repetative. Everyone knows it is hard. yadda yadda yadda. Besides, we chose this life and we keep on choosing it every year. Everyone has hard things to do.
We want to be honest. We want to give you a little glimps of what is going on here. Honesty isn't always very pictureque though. Sometimes its just the same thing again. In fact, it is often that. Chores again. The weeds are back. Planting radishes again? Didn't I just wash a million pounds of salad mix yesterday? How many five gallon buckets have I filled with water this season?
The challenge (I think) is to see what is regular as strange. To see the common as sacred. Some of the best poets can do this. It might be a trick of the eye. It might be a trick of the mind. But somehow, it can change everything. It is too easy in life for our eyes to glaze over when as we dumbly watch that 5gal bucket slowly filling with water again. Our minds drift away. But what is this wonder before you? Let's skip the wonder of a plastic bucket. Just the water is enough. Surely water is one of the great mysteries of life. It could probably be argued that water IS life. It is not solid. It is not air. It moves and dances and sparkles. It divides and comes together. It can wash dust off your skin or wear down solid rock. Turn your hose upwards. Swing it around your head. It is enough to make you laugh. It is never the same. It is always new and never less beautiful. Only we grow old and dull and forget how to see.
Some people seem to think we live a kind of idyllic life out here. It is probably true. There certainly is a lot of beauty. But there are marvels and mysteries everywhere (When was the last time you actually looked into someone's eyes?). But it can easily become hard to see them. While we might live very close to the heart of life, starting a business without debt and staying profitable while you compete with some of the biggest companies in the world is a tall order. Shaking off that pressure, rubbing our tired eyes, and pushing away the "not yet done" lists can feel impossible. Those pressures are so so real.
And honestly, sometimes you can't push them away. As I write this, Iam looking out over the pasture. It is beautiful I am sure. The tradgedy is that recently, I can't see it. Sometimes I just feel like Frodo.
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